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Things You'll Never Hear
on a Musician's Tour Bus

  • Shouldn't we go back for the drummer?
  • Oh no you don't! It's my turn to clean the bathroom.
  • Checkmate!
  • Go roll 'em down the aisle all you want, they're only cymbals.
  • So, I just walked her home, kissed her goodnight, and came back to the bus.
  • Hey, who farted?
  • No, the monitor mix was perfect. I just fucked up.
  • Twenty percent? Our manager should get at least 30 percent!!
  • Why is there porno in the VCR?
  • Can you believe all the money we're getting?
  • Boy, I can't wait till we get to Omaha!
  • No Thanks, I don't want another beer.
  • Ladies, I need to see some proof of age please.


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